Have a partner who likes to remain silent when in conflict? This behavior is called stonewalling. Be careful, this attitude can affect your mental state and relationship, you know.
Stonewalling comes from the words "stone" and "walling" which are interpreted as silence and neglect from your partner when you are experiencing conflict. The silence of this couple is often considered as a stone wall that is hard, silent, and cold.
Generally, stonewalling is done subconsciously as a way of calming down to reduce tension or fear with open conflict.
However, this stonewalling attitude can also be a silent treatment if it is done consciously or intentionally as an attempt to "punish" and manipulate their partner to get something they want. If it's like this, you have to be careful, because it could be a sign of emotional abuse.
Stonewalling Signs
Stonewalling is usually done more by men than by women. Those who adopt this attitude will stay away from discussions that can trigger stress and tension. The following are recognizable signs of stonewalling:
- Refusing to acknowledge his silent behavior
- Refused to answer questions
- Ignore you when talking
- Avoid talking about certain topics
- Making accusations against you
- Take a passive-aggressive attitude
- Refusing eye contact and making demeaning body language, such as closing or rolling your eyes
- Look for other activities when you want to talk about the conflict you are experiencing
Stonewalling can not only occur in romantic relationships, but also friendships or parent-child relationships. Usually, this attitude is carried out by children towards their parents when they are in the puberty phase, where adolescent children often get many demands and find it difficult to manage their expectations.
Impact and Tips for Dealing with Stonewalling Behavior
Whatever the underlying cause, stonewalling can have an impact on the victim. When getting stonewalling from their partner, a person usually feels scared, isolated, low self-esteem, self-blame, stressed, and frustrated.
If it occurs repeatedly, the risk of anxiety disorders, PTSD, and bipolar disorder (BPD) can increase. Not only that, victims of this stonewalling behavior can also complain of headaches and increased blood pressure.
Stonewalling is included in one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, which is a communication style that can damage romantic relationships. So, if this behavior is not faced and addressed properly, a relationship ends in breakup or divorce.
So, what needs to be done if you get stonewalling behavior? The following are tips for dealing with stonewalling:
- Calm yourself first and avoid forcing him to talk.
- Evaluate the problem you are experiencing with a clear mind. If the conflict happened because of your fault, don't hesitate to apologize.
- Approach it gently and give your partner time to calm down because the problem may make him feel embarrassed or hurt.
- Do not get angry or curse him because it will make the problem worse. Better yet, express your emotions in a healthier way, for example taking deep breaths, making doodles, meditating, or yoga.
So, if you find that you have signs of stonewalling, try to start learning to express what you feel well. If you need time to calm down, no problem, really. However, don't take too long or be rude and defensive.
Also, throw away the habit of procrastinating solving problems. If you feel calm, immediately communicate and resolve your conflict with your partner, OK?
If you feel that your stonewalling attitude has greatly affected your relationship with your partner, don't hesitate to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist to get the right advice and treatment.